2026 - Experiences

While I'm in my five senses

they send me spinning

all sounds and silences,

all shape and colour

as thread for that weaver,

whose web within me growing

follows beyond my knowing

some pattern sprung from nothing

-a rhythm that dances and is not mine.

From Five Senses, by Judith Wright

I find it hard to describe what I feel when I experience a “thing”. The logistics and circumstances of what has occurred can be detailed, but it is rare when I am able to communicate the felt sense, that visceral feeling that comes from inside. It’s almost as if the words don’t exist to fully describe it, at least not my words. Every Friday, Jeanmarie and I babysit our 1-year-old granddaughter. She just went down for her nap, and I am sitting in her nursery watching her asleep in her crib. As I gave her a bottle before the nap, I watched her fight sleep to continue eating and then after losing that battle, she fell asleep in my arms. This was one of those visceral feelings. With that innocent little face with lips still slightly puckered as if still waiting for the bottle, she cuddled into the crook of my arm. There simply are no words that come to me to describe what I was feeling, never mind what she was feeling; being held in loving arms, literally drinking her mother’s milk and feeling safe and content enough to be nestled in the crook of my arm. Ah, this is what is meant to be in the present. While I may not have a poet’s brain to be able to give it justice, I am so very grateful to be able to have this moment, this experience.

We live in a goal or result oriented society. We give overstated importance to the results and not enough to the experience, in my opinion. Don’t get me wrong, I think results are important. I’m not really a “everyone gets a participation trophy” kind of person (that’s a discussion for another time), but I do think we need to recognize the effort in the process. I’ve written this before, it disturbs me that the word “failure” is bandied about so freely, such as an athlete saying the season was a failure because their team didn’t win the championship. AHHHH! Talk about an overused word! What about the experiences along the way, the stuff learned in the process, the walk-off homerun in the middle of June, the thrill of the chase, if you will. These experiences all count, and none of them are failures. Anyway….sorry….that spiraled quickly. Back to being grateful….

After a lifetime of hearing that we should “stop and smell the roses”, “carpe diem”, “live in the moment”, etc., it seems like this is something we should know how to do. Even after years of being a mindful practitioner I still struggle with this, or at least I did until recently. I was able to have a sense of being present during meditation, but that feeling would usually end when I would get up from the metaphorical cushion, (I sit in a chair as my knees don’t allow me to get down on a cushion 😊). To take that skill and apply it to everyday life, with its infinite distractions, is challenging.

Henry David Thoreau wrote, “You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.” This sentiment is everywhere, but, for me, there was always something missing; a user manual. The what and why were intellectually easy for me to understand, but the how eluded me, that is, again, until recently. Of course, there is no “how-to book” to develop this skill, because this elusive skill is always there. We just need to tap it.

I am recalling the times when my family was gathered around a holiday table and I viscerally felt my heart fill with love, or being at a concert, movie or show and being fully engaged in the performances, or being at a baseball game and enjoying the skill and grace unfolding in front of me, or the walks in the woods as a child and taking in the sights and sounds around me. These are just a few of the many experiences that I recall fondly. These memories are recalled not simply as a story in a book, they are felt. The sight and sounds of my family and the aromas and tastes of the feast are fresh in my mind. I can still hear Bruce Springsteen belting out Thunder Road at Giants Stadium, or James Taylor singing Up on the Roof in Central Park, or Tracy Chapman singing about a revolution at Carnegie Hall (some irony there, I think). The excitement of catching my first foul ball at the old Yankee Stadium or hugging Scott when we were fortunate to be at the clinching Game 6 of the 2009 World Series. The sights, sounds, physical feelings, aromas and tastes are the anchors to these experiences. It is those anchors, our senses, that allow us to be present in the moment. Paying attention to our senses will ignite an emotional response and it is that response that arouses awareness of the moment. No user manual, no secret sauce, no magic trick, simply being aware of our senses is enough.

Experiencing the heightened sense of touch of my granddaughter’s tiny body nestled in my arms, the sound of her soft breathing, that baby smell and seeing her beautiful angelic, innocent, face have allowed me to be present for this glorious moment.

I am grateful for all the experiences that Jeanmarie and I have shared over these past 45 years, as well as those experiences of being a father, father-in-law and now grandfather.

May your senses be ignited this Thanksgiving, and throughout the year, to allow you to be present in each moment.

Tom (a/k/a dad, Papa, TK, Tommy, Kernsy, #papakerns, Hit Man, Grandpa, the Professor, Face, Mr. Bean, PT (poor Tom), Timbo, and of course “Tickles” – don’t ask).

Annual Caveat

For those of you who have been part of this tradition, (some of you from the very beginning), I hope that I have not bored you with my narcissistic babble over the years. For those who are new to this tradition I say, “Welcome!” As always, if anyone wants to be excluded from these annual emails, please let me know. I will not be offended, I promise.